i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
