there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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