Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
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