Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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