That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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