i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
