people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
