there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
