I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
