Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize