When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
