know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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