While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
