I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
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