it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
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