I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
