Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize