You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
