don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
