Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
