Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
