It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Randomize
