did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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