My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
