Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
