There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
