i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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