Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
