you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
