Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
