they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
