you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
