He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
