im about as happy as oj after his trial
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
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