Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
