My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
