The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
