Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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