if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
