did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Randomize
