I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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