Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
