No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
