he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
