If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
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Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
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Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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