I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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