haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
