A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Congratulations! We have a period
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