she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
