I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
But we have bathrooms and they dont
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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