I'm gonna have a badass scar
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
