Kareoke will never be a sober sport
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
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