I just made out with a guy for $7.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
