you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
