after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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