so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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