after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
He passed out mid-signature
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
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