It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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