Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
