anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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