I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I met the friendliest cop last night
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
