I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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