We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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