i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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