I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
