didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I think I sprained my soul last night
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Randomize
