U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
