I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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