my mouth tastes like poor choices
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
