i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
