A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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