So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
whose ass print is on the piano?
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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