maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
