Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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