So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Randomize
