Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
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she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
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I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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