felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
